One of my mentee wanted to meet. I thought to meet a mentee and converse as we travel to our work places. I shared this plan with the mentee to know if she is comfortable. I said this plan can help her to be in office in working hours and no need to travel on weekend to catch up. It worked for her!
We traveled in the Namma Metro of Bengaluru and I listened to her. I listened to all what she had to share.
Later we got down and walked to a point where we have to split and take our paths to workplace.
Listening the Vent Out
She thanked and said, "I came thinking, you would talk all and advise on what to do. But, you did not speak for 5 minutes in last 45 minutes, and no judgement."
Listening to her I understood, there is no need for me to talk; I should listen quietly. She was in the loop of anxiety and exhaustion. Just she wanted someone to vent out what she is going through.
I knew she can handle it better given she understands the anxiety and how it is exhausting and holding her.
I did a good and useful listening, and a very little talk in this travel and walk.
I'm aware, I listened just one side.
Why she chose me to share what's happening in her work? The trust!
Leadership and Listening - The Trust!
I wish, we will have a manger or skip managers who listens for first; then ask why this way, and not the way which is assumed to be the appropriate.
In a place and space where the business is executed, asking for someone to listen and respond is a big ask and expectation.
It is hard to find a manager or senior who listens for first before giving the advise or instructions on what to do, or lists the expectations with no conversations.
If you have one such senior or a manger who listens for first, let know that person. That person needs to be recognized and appreciated.
Connecting to the people in the team is important before giving the feedback, corrections and instructions.
To connect, listen and go as a team it needs trust. If there is no trust it won't happen in a meaningful and helpful way. It won't be felt at all.
The connecting, listening, sharing, and being a team is an emotion. Later everything! If the emotion is not healthy and alike, it won't work for a long run.
This is my experience and consistent learning by being a team with my teams
The engineers know what do most of the times. The clarity on what is of priority to the business and manager has to be communicated by saying why it matters. If you analyze, in most cases the clarity on what is priority will be missing.
All the team need is -- a feel that they are listened, and at times someone to vent out what they are going through in the process. Having someone to vent out can happen only if there is a trust between the two.
Ah! Your manager and director also need someone to vent out and heal. Do you expect the healing of your manager's to be like marketed self-healing automation? If so, it wont help you and your manager! Where is your manager venting out?
A skilled manager is an exceptionally skilled counselor and listener for first. You can be one for your team, people, organization and community. Wouldn't you?
This skilled manager would be consistently building the trust. When the team as well builds the trust with the manager in an open mind, it helps.
The trust built from manager does not mean the confirmed promotion or saving the people from layoffs or responsible for the growth of people.
The trust here means being practical, supportive, listening, emphathetic, convrersing, offering the assistance needed and suggesting what works in the current business.
In the days where an Engineering Manager or Engineering Director runs the teams and its activities, it is [not] hard to get time for conversing with team to know them.
It is a thin line for the Engineering Managers and Directors to have this caliber.
Unfortunately, the organization, CxO's, VPs and HR staff ignore to evaluate this caliber and skills in the senior leadership.
If the manager and director are just behind the backlogs and deliveries with the boss attitude, the team will be going through the trauma of life time. This is not healthy for the organization, business, and for its people. As a consequence, either or both the business and people gradually move out. I'm aware that you know this! Don't you?
You will be remembered for how trustful you are, how you spoke, responded, assisted, and how you solved the problems together with the people of your teams and organization; not for what and how you delivered. It is forgotten in the next 3rd sprint cycle. Check your sprint history to know what is remembered about you.
I want to get better each day in the caliber and skills of building the trust. This does not mean I'm a punch bag or saviour. It means -- I'm open, trustable, learning, upskilling, practical, human centered and bussines oriented. The differentiator!
To stop here,
- What is trust?
- How you are building the trust factor with your manager?
- How you are building the trust with your team as a manager?
- Are you delivering yourself as a bossy leader for your people?
- What's the trust equation between you and your teams?
- How trustful is your listening and practicality?
- Do you listen? How connecting it is?
- Are you also one among those task checkers and "yes" sayer to please the people above you and impress them?
Impressing should also be to your team members and not just the people above you.
Don't please be it to your team or people above you! It won't work and help with anyone in longer run.
Impressing and pleasing are not the same. Whis is more trustable?
